Redefining & Embracing Singlehood: A Journey of Self-Acceptance and Empowerment

The meaning of being single has evolved, and I believe it’s important to respect this choice. Being single can be surprisingly therapeutic, energizing, and offer increased personal time. For some, it’s simply the best choice. The positive benefits of being single are becoming increasingly verified with science and newly discovered through its popularity in communities. If singlehood offers such benefits, why has it taken so long for us to fully embrace it? One way to help the acceptance, understanding, and normalization of being single is to identify as self-partnered. Redefining and embracing being single, while respecting its values, is crucial to ending the stigma and honoring those who choose this path. This shift towards redefining and embracing being single allows individuals to celebrate their independence and recognize the inherent value in choosing this path.

Unmarried Life is Not Failure

In the past, many have associated being single with “failing” or not fulfilling a life purpose. Our other blog: 10 Free Ways to Maintain Good Mental Health explores the drawbacks of a ‘failing’ mindset. People often judge someone’s success based on their relationship status, mistakenly assuming that being single or unmarried equates to failure.

Marriage can foster strong bonds, provide security, and offer opportunities for shared growth. Surprisingly, these positive benefits can also be achieved, and sometimes even surpassed, while being single—it depends on the individual. Society and cultures often pressure individuals to marry by a certain age, deeming it necessary or expected. While intentions are good, I believe we can gain and give more by releasing some of these expectations. Redefining & embracing being single allows individuals to celebrate their independence and recognize the inherent value in choosing this path.

The Lingering Stigma: Sexism in the Language of Singleness

Society more readily accepted single men than single women. Society often refers to single men as ‘bachelors’ and more readily accepts their unmarried status without ridicule or shock. Being a woman, and considered a bachelorette, we are rarely if ever referred to as a bachelorette. I believe some in society are still shocked by our independence and, for some reason, find it offensive. My research into the definitions and synonyms of “single man” versus “single woman” confirmed my sense of unequal treatment. These dictionaries don’t necessarily reflect sexism but rather report on how language is used.

The Dictionary’s Double Standard: Synonyms for “Single Woman”

Suggested synonyms of ‘single woman’ from Thesaurus included: old maid (fuddy-duddy, goody-goody, lone woman, prig, prude, spinster). I then tried to search for ‘single man’, which did not exist, so I turned to an alternative from Word Hippo (which lists both terms in alignment with Thesaurus). Word Hippo did not list any offensive synonyms for ‘single man’ but suggests: eligible man, available, and unattached. I was surprised to find that none of these synonyms applied to ‘single woman’. They did, however, provide a significantly longer list of synonyms. These included: bluenose (prude), prig (self-righteous), snob (an offensive air of superiority), fussbudget/nitpicker (who complains excessively about minor issues), and, most shockingly, hypocrite.

Single Women: A Minority Despite the Statistics

These derogatory synonyms were very uncomfortable for me to learn. I was not aware of just how much more sexism exists for simply being a single woman in comparison to a single man. I do believe this varies depending on culture and country. Pew Research Center reports in their study (found here) of U.S. adults (aged 18-29) that 51% of men were single but only 32% of women were single in 2019. Although the reasons for being single are unique to individuals, I think one major reason fewer women are single is because of pressure from society. This can result in wanting to avoid being single because of the terms and treatment that could come with it.

“I had just assumed my whole life I had to grow up, get married, and have babies. It’s even in children’s rhymes and stories. It’s kind of ingrained, at least in my experience. I did all that, and after almost 10 years, we are separated, have 2 kids, and it’s messy. I’m not even out of the same house as them, and I already feel pressure from well-meaning (I’m sure) family and friends to begin dating a guy.” – Anonymous

Language as a Tool for Feminine Empowerment

Society often underestimates women’s capacity for achievement, assuming they require a man or partner. One (of many) good ways to help end this stigma is to think about whether you would (or should) say the same thing to a man. When considering equality, if a statement or behaviour would be considered unacceptable towards an individual of one gender, it is likely unacceptable towards an individual of any gender. Redefining & embracing being single challenges this societal bias and promotes a more equitable view of individual fulfillment.  

For instance, “Don’t mention her young children unless you would also mention his, or describe her clothes unless you would describe his, or say she’s shrill or attractive” -Thaliakr for Sacraparental in 2016.

I also believe we can shift perceptions by reframing how we use language. Combining traditionally gendered compliments in unexpected ways can be a powerful tool for normalization. For example, instead of saying someone is just “strong” or just “beautiful,” we could say “your strength is beautiful” or “I admire your kind leadership.” The word list below offers further inspiration for mixing and matching these traits.

Some Traits Traditionally Viewed as Masculine Include:

• Strength
• Courage
• Independence
• Leadership
• Assertiveness

Some Traits Traditionally Viewed as Feminine Include:

• Nurturance
• Sensitivity
• Supportiveness
• Gentleness
• Empathy
• Affection
• Kind
• Understanding

“Too Many,” “Too Long”: Examining Sexism in Female Dating Experiences

Society often ridicules women who are actively dating. This can happen if a woman has a history of dating “multiple” too many” people for “too long”. Women often cannot win, and the point becomes obvious that the issue is their gender and is resulting in sexism. Out of curiosity, I conducted an anonymous survey for my peers in 2023. I found that 100% of my peers agreed that women experience sexism & more ridicule if single in comparison to men. People must support and uplift women. This should apply no matter how they decide to live their lives.

The Impact of Toxic Masculinity

Society stigmatizes both single women and some single men. Men may feel uncomfortable showing signs of generalized/stereotypical feminist traits because of the sexism and stigma in our society. Society stereotypically expects men to exhibit negative attitudes and behaviors, which is known as toxic masculinity. Society pressures men to conform to toxic masculinity for acceptance. A way to avoid supporting this is by continuing to create more acceptance, embrace, and less judgment of others.

The Freedom of Singleness: Pursuing Passions and Personal Growth

A major trend I have seen reported as a benefit of being single is simply having more time. This allows people to have more time to think, do physical activity, take career opportunities, and dedicate more time towards bettering friendships described by The Insider. Taking more time to think can result in getting to know yourself better and pursuing your passions in a very dedicated way. Single individuals typically have more time to focus on themselves compared to married individuals. “Being single allows you to focus on your own needs and wants and to develop a strong sense of self, which can improve self-esteem and self-worth” says Healing Roots Therapy. Redefining and embracing being single allows individuals to prioritize self-discovery and personal growth in ways that may not be as readily available in partnered life.

The Therapeutic Power of “Me Time”

In today’s fast-paced world, prioritizing time for oneself might feel unfamiliar or even selfish, but it’s important to recognize that it’s anything but. This self-focus can be incredibly therapeutic for many, fostering personal growth and contributing to both individual and collective well-being. It allows for self-reflection, exploration of passions, and the development of a strong sense of self, which ultimately benefits not only the individual but also their interactions with the world. Cultivating a strong sense of self-confidence is something everyone deserves, and dedicating time to singlehood can be a powerful path toward achieving it. This period of self-discovery can be invaluable, allowing individuals to define their values, goals, and sense of purpose, leading to a more fulfilling and authentic life, whether they choose to remain single or eventually enter a partnership.

The Unexpected Blessings of Being Single

During the times I am single, I have learned so much about how to take care of myself, both mentally and physically. I have also gained a great sense of independence, security, and freedom. I can dedicate my spare time to activities that I am passionate about and have more quality time with myself and my friends (including my dog). It took me a while to appreciate the benefits of not being in a relationship because of the stigma and pressure I feel from others to be in one.

The truth is, if I never marry, I would still be happy because of what I have accomplished through being single. Marriage is hard work and often leads to divorce, which I imagine is very difficult to go through as well. In my opinion, it is a rare blessing to find compatibility and true love with someone with whom you can spend the rest of your life (without taking too much of this type of quality time from you).

Normalizing Singleness: Reframing Singleness and Divorce

There is a negative stigma around being single, which has formed from traditional generations. Removing this stigma can create a positive change in the way we view other people and allow them to establish individuality. When people (especially celebrities) use phrases like ‘self-partnered’ and ‘conscious uncoupling’ (instead of single), it “challenges the psychological implications and narratives behind the phrases being ‘single’ and ‘getting a divorce’.” says NBC News. Instead of saying a person is divorced (implying loss), you can say they are now self-partnered, emphasizing their independence. This new term and its definition open up a different mindset for people to adapt to. Redefining & embracing being single encourages this shift in perspective. Additionally, promoting self-partnership and celebrating independence rather than viewing singlehood as a negative state.

“A strong woman is a woman determined to do something others are determined not to be done.”

– Marge Piercy

Like this read? Check out Relationship with Yourself: A Guide to Cultivating Mental Well-being to explore the many other ways to improve your relationship with yourself.
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